Continuing the theme begun in the publications:
to Speculate about the fate of the grandmother of the protagonist has led me to review colleagues:
Grandma, do, you regret...
as far As I know, according to the client's grandmother was raised in an orphanage because her father died at the front, and her mother died at a young age after the war. Her death was the result of some operation is done at home.
I will assume that grandma just didn't tell her grandson that her mother was the victim of a criminal abortion. There was a time when abortions were banned, and hospitals, and they did. In the postwar years, from abortion killed a lot of women. Time was hungry to give birth, and especially without a husband, it was scary, that they decided to surrender into the hands of God knows who. Often did the abortions in unsanitary conditions, people who do not even have medical education.
so Tom was left an orphan. The girl was sent to orphanage.
Tamara was heavy, had to be strong, to rely only on themselves, to protect themselves. Hence the rigid character.
From system positions an abortion, which made her mother, not wanting to continue to race is nothing but aggression women drawn to yourself, man, and posterity. System ristanovski call it the dynamics of Aggressor-Victim.
From the position of transactional Analysis, there should be a lifeguard
How can you be a Victim, Rescuer and Aggressor at the same time?If you explain in a few words: the Aggressor, once too was someone's Victim, and the Victim will become an aggressor.
Even if you have never been on the constellation or do not believe in the phenomenon of the formation probably heard the term, as the system thinking.
the thing is that the person becomes for what it is, under the influence of the family system.
If we imagine the family system, as it is in the form of a tree, people will be on the tree branches. All the processes that occur in the branch, founded in the roots of a tree. of Course, you can instill and cultivate the trees, but that they do not change their breed.
Tamara carried a aggression of his mother, which she received in turn from someone in his family system.
the Systems are not only family. Children's home ‒ it's the same sort of system.
I don't know that, I can only again assume that the girl Volume, she not knowing it, lived on the principle of Machiavelli:
“If you can't beat the crowd — to lead it»She made a decision to become a leader and “survived”, got an education and built a career, the maximum possible for their abilities and the conditions in which she found herself. Dedovka became Director of the school.
From a systemic point of view, remarkable another fact of life Hero of the story. Grandma, regardless of the wish of the daughter, to call his son, “as something fashionable, denizkoy or Maximai», gave his grandson the name of his grandfather, who died of a heart attack a few years before his birth. So Valery, in fact, did "Deputy" grandfather.
Tamara, most likely, unwittingly, she prematurely sent the beloved husband to the light. Powerful and dominant, she is constantly oppressed humble servant, forcing him to make a career that was not needed. This is the heart of Valeria, and the older could not resist.
When the wife did not,Tamara declared it “icon” and himself a noble widow, which, despite the attention of men, gave himself a vow of loyalty to the deceased husband.
Grandma were told Valery that he just has to be like grandpa Valera.
the men still have a fear of dying at age 44!
I Think that the way Tamara, can safely be called a collective image of many “strong woman” the country of the Soviets!
I Want to ask you:
- Who recognized her as your grandmother or mother?
- What impact you have had such a significant influence of a person?
- How you handle it now?
P.S. We have a long, multi-directional and hard work on the tools which I will explain later.
© Family psychologist Natalia Filimonova, 2019. All rights reserved.
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