In the last article we considered a typical case of abuse where the trigger of aggression is jealousy, and “resolution” she gives the alcohol.
“I am the one no one likes" or demonic charm despotmade Despots in every way to blame, it is important to remember that abusalama are not born but they are, as a result of traumatic experience. Today we will talk about how it occurred in a specific example a client in the last article we called Valery.
his Father Valera did not know, he left his mother pregnant and left their small town “big money to the North”, as he said in the early eighties.
Ira was very young, and Director of the school Tamara, willful decision, dismissed the daughter from education Valerica.
Grandmother was the only person in life that he is still thankful for everything:
- for hard-won sweat and blood of the gold medal of;
- fluent English language, which implicitly worked with him for many years “English”, earning the status of grandma's Deputy himself and good grades to their children;
- for an excellent education in the Metropolitan University, which without the participation of Tamara, he would have received hardly.
And Valery could “thank” beloved grandmother
- cuffs and shouts, which she generously “awarded” for every transgression and disobedience;
- for the suppression of negative emotions and the habit of “earn” love;
- for disbelief in women's fidelity where, I want to ask, to be the faith of women, if since the early childhood accustomed to hear from the lips of a significant person about mom only “unlucky again somewhere hanging out with the guys, drunk”?
Irene tried to protest, constantly escaping from the tight control of the mother. One day she decided to bring home the HART.
Tamara, using, using his many grateful students, the runaway found, anathema, stigmatized and pushed to all four sides. The child as belonging to her thing, back “in place”, giving a VCR and a trip to the sea.
Valera long missed mother, waited for her, remembering the days spent together, but she chose to live her life, and where he, from now on, the road was closed.
of Course, for him alcohol was vetoed.
Early youth a guy came in dashing the nineties. Once the leader of the yard punks, taking a round of the excellence in “weak”, was forced to drink half a bottle of “counterfeit” of vodka and talked about the fact that he, HART, the real weak and will remain so until, unless you give the grandmother her back for all her bullying and prohibitions to be friends with "real boys". Emboldened Valera, after returning home, first trampled all the flowers in grandma's garden favorite, then "threw up" at the crime scene.
Retribution was not long in coming, and Kara was merciless. Tamara, otlupit grandson doormat, a month was not allowed outside, forbidden to view more popular in those days, TV, selected “watch” and “radio”. For a long time the teenager begged forgiveness from his stern grandmother.
This is not the only episode of “happy” childhood Valera, discovered by us as a result of individual work, which runs parallel with family therapy.
P. S. no matter what, her grandma is there for several years, is still for this adult men the most important and significant person. is it because it is so tightly interwoven Light and Shadow, all the things mentioned here?
© Family psychologist Natalia Filimonova, 2019. All rights reserved.
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