have You ever noticed that people who have the habit of take offense at you not very eager to get rid of it?
This is interesting: at the time of the offense the person is suffering greatly, he is bad, he feels hopelessness and powerlessness to change anything. But even if this person comes to a psychologist, quite often it's like he grabs the teeth in the habit to suffer, and continues to be sad and resentful.
What is the fascination keeps resentment? Oh! She has a beautiful back side: Power. Suffering Hurt, feeling unfortunate victim is only the outer side, unconscious performance, played in order to cause the second side is Guilty. Blame becomes firmly tied to the offended: he doesn't want to experience this unpleasant feeling. So he's going to please the offended. And even if he won't take any action, then he, at least, would be offended to think about. It achieves that hurt actually: to the second party danced to his tune, considered him important, keeping our attention on it. I say: Power.
the Authorities of the Offended is a full package of privileges.
first, as long as they have a claim to the second side, then the other side in their opinion is behaving categorically wrong. Then who's the big boy? Of course, he is offended! He and only he is behaving correctly. This is very important: hurt revels in its correctness: he thinks about her, talks to friends and psychologists, as it's flawless. This really elevates him in his own eyes.
the Time is perfect, of course, has the right to judge and punish.For this reason, no one has the right to say that the Offended something is wrong. It is impossible to judge and punish. By definition, it behaved well, a lot plowed, very tired and now you must give all what he needs. What does he want? Oh thank you! Guess yourself!!!
This, incidentally, is another lever of Power in the hands of the offended. He says that you should know what he needs! You need day and night to think about it and finally understand that to give the offended to calm down. It will make you in their thoughts dance around it, be sure!
Even if resentful, depressed, not interacting with people, and like as does not rule over anyone, he still revels in Power. He blames the whole world that he arranged not fair, and not give him the desired. So offended I am sure that has absolute knowledge of how it should be how the world works. Who, then, on top of the world? Guess)
so, resentment allows you to feel flawless, gives the right to punish and pardon, and raises the importance. Yes, what a strange man will work to get rid of it?! Resentful actually sits on the throne and looks at you from top to bottom.
He believes that to work on themselves should be the ones who are to blame, and not he. And he will quietly (or loudly) to suffer in his crown, until he get what he deserved.
the problem is that it will not do. Or bring, but not the same. Or bring something, but not wrapped. Or bring something, and wrapped, but this is not enough. There is no satisfaction. In General, he sits like this in the crown, like a fool, but it was no use. Only unconscious pampered Power.
It is because offended, even pohiva to a psychologist, actually believe that working should they do not, and to change the world and people around you (husbands, wives, parents, bosses), their domestic work is in place, the state is not moving and, as a consequence, nothing changes in the relationship. They are still like little children waiting that someone will come and something will bring. You only need better offense. While outwardly all will look exactly the opposite: they'll tell you work hard on yourself, vpahivat the horses, and the surrounding still not turned around to face them.
I am very sorry for those who got in his time in the trap of the unconscious. It is unconscious, so well done, it tried, invented the mechanism of increasing the visibility and attract attention. It is clear in fact that such protection could work only if the value within for a penny. If there is no hope to get the attention and care. Hurt does not have other mechanisms, apart from resentment. He doesn't know how else to get love and warmth from people. And this is what he most needs.
I sympathize with these people because it is easy to cope with the habit to be offended, will not work.
we Need lot of work to do on myself, before on the horizon a glimmer of sun. The beginning of this work consists in the recognition that the chosen mechanism does not get what you really want: a real sense of self-worth, love and care of another person. Then, you will need to give up the habit to feel right, and the other is to blame. Will need to work on improving self-esteem. You have to learn to ask and, most importantly, to achieve what you need with the inner confidence that you deserve. You may never be able to get what you want from whom you want. Then you have to learn to take care of themselves. You have to be for adults, recognize your imperfection, but this imperfection to feel important and worthy of love. It's better than suffering, I assure you. But it requires hard work.