“I Blame?”. About wine, true and false.
the Feelings of guilt and shame people avoid as hard as the pain and the anger. They considered to be extremely unpleasant. However, in all the “hard” feelings has great potential for human development, you need only look deeper.
the Wine.
a Great feeling. And I'm not telling the whole story. The original purpose of this feeling — to show man that by his actions he violates certain system of values, which he himself set for his life. The fault appears when it violates the principles for which she bears personal responsibility.
the Wine can be present and may be false. This line is very important to learn to recognize.
False guilt occurs when a person takes responsibility which does not belong to him. Let us consider a fairly common case of life. Elderly mother lives with for adults son of an alcoholic, there are they, accordingly, on her retirement. For such a model is its own story. Once the woman was alone with her baby in her arms, the man left the family in an unknown direction. She was forced to become the breadwinner, worked three jobs, son. When he began to eat, she began to blame yourself, I didn't give him the time, left without care, “not follow”. She felt responsible for his fascination with alcohol. But in fact, its responsibility in his choice. In the past she could not do otherwise, she had to ensure the welfare of the family, otherwise they simply have nothing to eat. In the future, seeing that her son takes responsibility for her life, she began to pick up: to get him to work, to pay his credits to buy it. It looks like about wine.
the real Fault is caused when a person has committed improper act, insulted the other, violated his personal principles. In society there is a system of moral values. Guilt helps to follow these rules. Surely you happened to miss the urn, and then feel like inside op and pinched? The wine suggested that it was wrong. Because since childhood we all were taught to throw garbage in the trash. And here you return, pick up your candy wrapper and throw it away properly. The soul becomes good. This example is very lightweight, but nevertheless significant. Because the guilt, it governs our behavior in accordance with moral values.
Shame.
Shame — the brother of the guilt. Its function is to not allow the person to become proud. The experience of shame gives humility, helps find the path to spiritual growth, contributes to the preservation of self-esteem.
Shame more focused on social values and rules. And he also happens to be true and false.
False shame arises, for example, when a small noisy child say: “shame”. And he's just hyperactive, running around the yard and screaming. he was caught and scolded, he's such a shameless. But this child, he needs to procriate, to release all his boundless energy, and he's not in the library.
For comparison of a real shame. Talk to several adults, but one of them all the time, interrupts others, believing that his right to vote in this most important dialogue. It can shame, which is unacceptable to behave that way. And rightly so. After all, there is a certain norm of behavior that says that first you need to listen to the interlocutor, and then already to Express the opinion.
the guilt and the shame — good feelings. I was surprised to see that they can be perceived in a positive way. The fact that the installation made them more unpleasant than they really are. But it's simple. “Excuse me" - that's the key. If you feel guilty, just apologize, correct the situation. Of course, if you carry out this feeling in yourself, it will swell to enormous proportions and become extremely unpleasant. You apologize and all that you regret and do not intend to do so. Essentially the accommodation of the sense of guilt makes a person better.
the following materials to our cycle #gidrofosfat I'll tell you about the most interesting: how to Express your feelings to be heard.
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