Anna is a successful designer. It is valued at work, she has a great sense of humor and many Hobbies. She's an attractive woman, loved by her friends and is married. But the jealous feelings for her husband, sometimes consumed her so much that she feels like she can't breathe.
- She is alarmed when he doesn't call during the day.
- At any party she can't relax, watching his look and emotions.
- a Polite chat with the waitress or employee of the Bank may cause a major scandal.
- the morning starts with social media monitoring spouse, up to track of likes.
Each his work becoming a pain: she calls several times, demanding to turn on face time and constantly presents scenes with women in his hotel room. One day she broke down and bought a ticket on a plane, at night broke into the room of the unsuspecting husband. “I think I'm going crazy!” she says. “in addition to jealousy is nothing left, I live in a nightmare of surveillance and suspicion.”
Yes, sometimes people focus on jealousy and emotional fall into the trap of suffering and not knowing how to get out of it.
What is this complex feeling, jealousy?
first, any jealous is to understand that this is a normal feeling part of a human being, close relationships and strong feelings. Where there is love, in certain circumstances, there is a place for jealousy.Jealousy there are infants, children and even animals, and has a basis in the form of a struggle for resources.
jealousy is Often directly associated with insufficient self-esteem, but it is not so. It is inherent in us from prehistoric times, as a strategy of recognition of the competitors and protecting our genes.
a Woman wants to ensure themselves and their offspring, protection and support of a breadwinner, therefore, it aggressively fights against rivals, man wants to care only about their offspring and their genes, so the presence of other men is excluded.
Jealousy is a complex emotion difficult to experience. Often a reflection of the painful and confused emotions of love, fear, anger, and even hatred to the most important in your life man.
Jealousy is rational: for example, when You see a correspondence of a spouse on a Dating site. The pathological jealousy is not based on indisputable facts, and alleged that captures and prevents to live. Life is accompanied by a strong concern about the possible betrayal and often, as protection, used as negative and harmful behavior strategies:
Search of evidence, and surveillance.
You often intrinsically biased: start with the assumption of infidelity, and then trying to prove his innocence. Inflate a minor problem, as evidence is used everything: even the supposed thoughts of the partner. Devalued and ignored any positive behavior.
Interrogations.
Strengthen the protection of the partner, he feels attacked and begins to defend himself. The number of quarrels and a growing mistrust on both sides increased.
control efforts.
Cause the partner the feeling that his boundaries have been violated. This leads to irritation and distance, in turn reinforcing the jealousy.
Grievances without explanation, and distancing.
Validation of feelings “the game of silence” or emotional distancing often leads to the opposite result. Instead of rapprochement followed by the distance. Moreover, such behavior may be perceived as foolish and ungrateful.
Humiliation of an alleged rival.
You may find it unreasonable, hostile, unfair. A reluctance to join your insults will be extra food for Your jealousy.
Humiliation of the partner.
You can prove that meeting with You is the best in his life and be a loser like him can do better. If the partner sees you as a Punisher, and enemy - this can lead to rupture.
Danger of a rupture.
This tactic is often used by jealous often, and it is not taken seriously.
Threats and punishment.
Threats of restriction of contact with children, deprivation of money, reputation, aggressive prosecution lead to hidden aggression, distancing, and even trying to pre-emptive retaliation. Often threats are the cause of a breakup.
Search or the availability of parallel options.
Sometimes having a backup allows you to reduce the stress and increase self-esteem. On the other hand, how everything will work out, if You are the one who is cheating and hiding? Relations are not treated with the help of a third party, it is a huge illusion.
Work with jealousy is very individual in each case. Fortunately, there are real and healthy strategies that help to cope with it. Agree, it's silly, if the relationship ends because of the tactics with which was trying to save it?
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