Parents of children aged 2-3 years often complain about the behavior of your baby. More recently, a child so well-behaved, as suddenly became cranky, demanding and stubborn. The reason for such a dramatic change of the child's behavior adults often see in themselves and their parenting practices, predpolagat somewhere they made a mistake. However, in reality the change in behavior was justified by age-related personal crisis, during which the child moves to a new level of development. In foreign literature, considering the crisis called by the term "terrible two" (the"terrible two years), and in Russian psychology this turning point is described as a "crisis month". In essence both concepts describe one age crisis in a child, which can occur starting from 2-2.5 years and at the age of 3 years and lasts for up to four years baby. The main objective of this crisis is the formation of independence in the child.
At the age of 2-3 years children are partially separated from their parents, they cease to understand themselves as part of a "We" (the whole single mom) and begin to show his true self. Now before the parents presented an independent personality with its own will. The child begins to want to do something on their own, however, often faces a situation where his desires do not coincide with available possibilities. So tantrums at this age are most often associated with the situation when the child wants something to do, but cannot work. For example, a child, a lot of time observing how easily parents cook Breakfast, and wants to open the fridge, get the milk from there and pour it in a Cup, but faces many difficulties and failures, and the request or acceptance of the help of an adult perceived as non-self recognition. In the result, the child experiences a disappointment, to Express which is socially acceptable, he still can not, which ultimately leads to violent emotional reaction, hysteria. In addition, children aged 2-3 years show the negativity, don't agree to anything, even logical arguments. Thus, they try to assert its own will and defend it. Therefore, any attempt to resist the wishes of the child lead to the demonstration of "scenes" and aggression.
Parents of children entering or already in crisis, of course, also have a hard time since the crisis also requires great emotional and energy costs. Therefore, in order to survive the "terrible two years" or "the crisis of the third year" the most easily for adults need to learn how to respond to unruly behavior of the baby. To start, you need to understand what the child's behavior at the age of 2-4 years, this is the absolute norm and an alarming signal is the absence of any attempts to resist or adult to demonstrate their dissatisfaction. Due to the appearance of their borders and the needs to defend them, the child in this age there is aggression, which is also natural and normal. In the absence of anger and aggression to a ban or suppression of his will, the child will not have the energy capacity to defend its borders. So one of the tasks of this age is to learn to insist on, to conflict and even aggressive. Understanding the tasks of the age and the adoption of it, and helps parents better respond to the antics of the child and to teach him (particularly by example) socially acceptable forms of expression of negative emotions.
let us Turn now to concrete suggestions to parents whose children are experiencing a crisis. First of all for adults you must learn to remain calm, restrain their emotions and avoid conflict. Remember that the use of physical punishment and emotional neglect of the child, shout at him or podsoedenit over him always leads to increased aggression in the child and affects the child-parent relationship. And to calmly respond to the tantrums of the child, you can use a variety of meditation and breathing techniques. And only waited the "storm" of children's emotions, discuss with the child what happened. Calmly tell him that you understand his emotions and their causes, and how it can at other times to Express your feelings, instead of fighting, screaming and crying. Be sure to let the child know that you love him despite this behavior. And only after that have they conceived together or switch it to another activity. Described tactic allows you to fix the bad behavior of the kid.
If the behaviour the child had on the street or in public places, the first necessary action is to "deprive the actor of the audience." Take the child to a quiet place (in the car, outside in the back courtyard, corner, etc.). Please be with him, but do not give back "to the public", which you can hug the baby and hold until the end of hysteria. After the child began to calm down, talk to him as described above. If you succumb to the demands and provocations of the child, for the sake of preserving the public peace, the probability of fixation of such negative behavior will be very large. It is because the child needs to learn that his tantrums don't work, they simply are not effective.
in addition to the identified recommendations, pay attention to the issue of discipline. Of course, the child should be accustomed to the discipline and rules of conduct. However, equally important is the task of education in this independence, feelings of control over their lives, ability to take decision and its consequences. Therefore, observe the delicate balance between discipline and the right to choose the child. In matter of principle stand firm and not succumb to manipulation of a child, second only to he would not crying. If you do prohibit the child, explain the reason why you do not allow him to do it. Always remember that negative emotions of the child to ban that's fine. Forbidding something to a child, let him share his feelings, sympathize with him and pity him, but firmly observe the decision. However, don't forget to allow the child to make choices and make independent decisions in various things: what shirt to wear today, what game to play, what book to read, what box to lay down the toys, etc. This will help him to gain the independence needed for future adult life. In addition, give the child, if the situation allows. But do it with a strong position of the parent, accompanying it with the words: "I allow you this, because I see that you like, but I think you should do and I don't like it". Such parental reactions will teach the child flexibility and ability to compromise, and most important will not suppress the will of the child.
Summing up, I want to reiterate that the success of overcoming this crisis the age of the child largely depends on parents ' behavior towards him. The correct parental response to violent, unruly child's behavior does not suppress his will, and fosters the independence. And remember that the crisis is temporary and soon, when your competent reactions to the antics of the child, the child's behavior is necessarily normal.
Ph. D.,
a psychologist in the children's club "DAR"
Deyanova Hope.
!
