The behavior of family members within it, in psychological terms is defined as their attitude towards it. This may be the most personalized treatment possible, as it is on the most close people – family members – husband, wife, children, parents. From them and, first and foremost, on the informal head of the family, depends on how they live in the family. The original reason the behavior of people in the family, depends on how you behave toward him and other family members, especially those whom he considers it the main, or rather, the most important man.. So if the child is the primary and most important person according to his mother, the requirements of the father, which, actually, depends the very existence of the family itself, though, and will somehow affect him, but still will be secondary. Their behavior, most likely it will be to build relative to the values, perceptions and behavior of the mother, not the father.
Accordingly, if one of the members, in this case, the father, thinks HIMSELF the chief, "most valuable crew member", he is likely to be sure that the behavior of other family members should start from its values and ideas about life, needs, desires and their positions. If this is not happening and the child does not obey him, in a conflict situation, when somebody of the family members will have to give in, to succumb to the demands of another (s), at least temporarily, either join in such sharp opposition that the continuation of his life in the family becomes impossible.
the family, as in a small group where a lot is based on interpersonal and emotional relationships, may happen such a situation that the behavior of more powerful members of the family, i.e. their relation to each other can be influenced and based from the situation, which is the weakest and most helpless member of the family, for example, a sick child or parent. And so the family is taking some serious steps, for example, dramatically change the place of residence and work, for the sake of or concerns someone in the physical and material plane is entirely dependent on them.
However, from the above we can formulate the most important law of control of the modern family, where not, and may not be the formal leader, "head of the family": how member of the family refers to other family members, and all the rest of the family treat him. If the spouse is sincerely interested in the Affairs of their partner of the opposite sex, what and how do his children, it is likely that he will receive from them appropriate positive feedback, i.e., it is a good attitude to close necessarily, or otherwise, will notice. If he doesn't care about them, and interest, if demonstrated, only formal, while cool, and attitude, at least over time, will be the same.
of Course, very much in family relationships and in the behavior of its members depend on informal family leader, wider manifestations of the phenomenon of leadership in the family. This, however, our findings do not refute, but complements them. From the basic law of family relations implies the investigation. Perhaps they may be few, but we will formulate while only a few of them.
Result 1. How family members relate to family member and he refers to them.
If members of the family the woman is the dishwasher, and you for her...
Corollary 2. The relationship of the family members and their behavior are built relative to the meanings, purposes, values, views, and position of the informal leader of the family at the moment of its development.
So in the first stage, when the family basically two people, life is "cool" depending on the one I love (say, the bride). In the second phase, from someone who can provide real survival of the family (e.g., husband). Third: who is the raison d'etre for the rest, they hope (e.g. a small child), the fourth from those who gave to the family (sick parents), etc.
we Emphasize that, in many cases, behaviors of family members and their relation to it can be determined not personifitsirovano figure informal leader, as personified by the decisions of the family Council. The family Council as a democratic body "decided", and then his representatives, received a "carte Blanche" for the implementation of certain actions, control the behavior of other family members.
the Attitude of family members towards each other can wear value and instrumental character. Value relation of family members to each other must prevail. Moreover, it is encoded in their expectations and requirements to each other. This is easy to see that a closer acquaintance with the relations of the young couple. Each of them, in principle, wants to be loved just for anything: neither for the beauty nor age nor material wealth, nor for status, etc., just for the fact that he is, exists in this world and already one fact of its existence is an absolute value. The child, whether he knows it or not, wants that parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, took his way there. At the same time, in relation to the other member of the family can be coded, just not valuable, and instrumental attitude, of course, is not always clearly understood. The girl sincerely thinks that she's marrying a beloved person, and the person watching her from the side, you can see that she is interested in promising ambitious, able to provide her financial situation in the future, change of status to a good health choice, etc. Who is right?
the Paradigm of "value attitude and instrumental attitude" can create and creates a certain psychological distance between family members "I and he (she)", "us and them", "parents and children", "younger and older" etc. seem to be (e.g., grandparents) that they accept others as they are and those, on the contrary, seeking from them some benefit, and Vice versa. This opposition, which is not difficult to find in the life of any family is the most important moral and psychological sense of control. Not treating family members as an absolute value, it is difficult to influence them, to achieve acceptable attitudes and behaviors. On the other hand it is hard to achieve, not to satisfy their instrumental needs. For example, the husband realizes that his wife wants him to provide material wealth in the family and, in principle, recognizes this requirement, which is instrumental. But if he doesn't demonstrates value relation, i.e., absolute non-judgmental acceptance, this will poison him with his inner psychological life, and subsequently, most likely, and the relations between spouses have a negative impact on his behavior in the family: "what am I, a machine for living?" The same woman that controls the household, would not want to be "wordless dishwasher".
Think about how you will behave when the husband(a) applies to you valuable, non-judgmental, accept what you are. It is obvious that, most likely you will "pay" your partner is the same: to please him, to make him family troubles, to enjoy his success, to support in difficult days and hours. Speaking the psychological language, this type of relationship ensures the family's future, reveals the motivational resources of family members, motivates them to invest in its development.
Now consider how you will behave when you will require only money, material wealth, great food, clean, obedient children and generous parents. It is obvious that this attitude "puts out", and that completely destroys trusting relationships in the family, their warmth, intimacy, spontaneity, closes loved ones from each other, gives rise to alienation and coldness. In a psychological sense, the prospects for the family this type of relationship leaves little, it blocks the interest of family members in its development, contributes to a there are different motivational pathologies and degradation.
Look the picture. Model B demonstrates the prospects of development of family model And its gradual degradation and destruction
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