Teachers often face a variety of emotional reactions from parents of their students. It is the question of schooling affects too many topics, which can be painful for the parent. Then he may react aggressively, with a goal to defend. I thought it was important to be able, at least approximately, to understand the experiences of parents and build engagement.
This scheme can be useful to teachers, but to all involved.
"How to understand and respond to the aggression of the parents of the students"
I have identified three types in which likely such behavior of parents.
1. "Child - crystal vase"
the child's Behavior:
Closed, anxious, afraid to communicate, it is difficult for him to answer, to ask, in General, is difficult to endure being in an unfamiliar space.
features of education:
Dominant Hyper (a lot of attention, a lot of restrictions)
“crystal vase”
the feelings of a parent:
the Strongest anxiety for the child, the desire to protect from any, even imaginary danger. All the surrounding people represent a threat to him. Teachers have to fight to protect her child.
the Behavior and words of a parent:
the Aggressive imposition of its rules. A parent knows better than the teacher to do with his child.
the teacher's Words can be, for example, including:
“I see that Peter is very sensitive and perceptive child and needs careful approach. But if all the time its ONLY to protect, then to grow, to grow up, he will not”. And then to say what is ALREADY Petya to cope.
2. "the Child is the focus of the family"
the child's Behavior:
the Child is not familiar with the concept of “boundaries”. Does not take into account the interests of others. Not able to withstand the restrictions failure. Difficult subject to the framework rules.
features of education:
Conniving Hyper (satisfied every whim, no requirements). Child - centered family.
the feelings of a parent:
Shame or embarrassment over inadequacy, lack of independence of the child. The desire to do it to avoid experiencing this awkwardness.
the Behavior and words of a parent:
Outrage too rigid framework or excessive demands at school. Can also dictate the rules.
the teacher's Words can be, for example, such:
“You are right. Of course, compared to home, school, indeed, many restrictions, rules, requirements. At first they cause discontent among the boys, but then the children will adapt and can see how these rules help them”.
I have to agree that Yes anyone is not pleasant, but after you put focus on that now - the process of adaptation. Or recall (in the case when the adaptation had to occur), that the child is to learn not only how to defend his position (which is very valuable), but also to learn about flexibility, taking into account the interests of others, to learn to work together.
3. “Success - no matter the cost.”
the child's Behavior:
Very dutiful children, but over time, their learning motivation decreases as they are exhausted emotionally. Much worry on the test, why get a bad result.
features of education:
the Parent is concerned about the success of the child (narcissistic vector). "the Success - no matter the cost."
the feelings of a parent:
Fear of shame for the failure of the child. The desire to protect him from that risk (of failure is equal to being rejected). The fear of humiliation. Fear “bad” grades. Characteristic perfectionism and demanding as to others, and to himself. Just feel the lack of success.
the Behavior and words of a parent:
I do Not agree with the assessment. You can accuse the teacher of incompetence. It is easy to go into open conflict. br>
Actions and words of a teacher can be, for example, including:
to Lessen the importance of evaluation. Show it local. Fix parent on the existing success of the child, to praise both the child and parent. To focus on the emotional state of the child.
“I hear you don't like. You work so hard, invested. Let's see: if Peter was well prepared, but something prevented him to show a good result, it might have to do with his excitement. It takes a lot of effort from the child. Let's see what you can do to make Peter less worried”.
“I see that you do not agree with the assessment and worried about Pete, but I think it is very important that he learned to endure some of their Failures. It will help him not so much to be afraid of them and safer, and hence more successful work”.
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