it Seems that the question about the relationship between people, the main problem will be finding a partner, however, more and more people find it difficult to find friends and to keep in touch with them. Now, when we have many ways of socializing and Dating, I continue to hear from people directly or covertly that they do not have true friendship. But friendship is an important source of support and psychological development of human beings.
what is the reason and how to change the situation? Why new ways to explore facilitate and impede the search for the friendship?
friends
Now, in addition to the typical ways of Dating (school, University, work, courses, etc.), there are all sorts of options of online Dating, including for companionship. This seems convenient since a person has a chance to meet a lot more people than he could would not be the Internet. Furthermore, you can just dismiss those "candidates" of profiles containing interests and worldviews that contradict our own. At the same time, the availability of so many features leads us to what we have to consider the profiles of people consumer, as the product is suitable or not suitable to the demands of “buyer”. We risk becoming what Erich Fromm calls "market" personality:
Market orientation penetrated in our personal sphere. Often our communication resembles exchange of goods on the market.
Erich Fromm
But friendship does not imply absolute compatibility for all Hobbies, interests, personal characteristics. Friends really need to have points of contact, but it can be a completely different people, which is due to the differences interesting to each other in fellowship, contribute to personal growth and self-development each other. Of course, friendship is different, and mutual understanding are also important. However, if you pay attention to when searching for a friendship solely on the fact that people come to your interests and your image of the ideal friend, then you are likely to always expect disappointment. In order to find a friend, it is important to be open to communication with people who differ from your expectations of who should be your friend.
Friends vs. friends
Sometimes the issue of friendship seems the more “childish”, than about romantic and sexual relationships, but in order to truly make friends, you must be mentally for adults man. True friendship cannot be built on lies, pretense, deceit. If you are dealing with a person and feel that some of you "played a role”, it is not friendship. Feel very simple – will be many “need” where it should be “want”. the ‘I need to think of a greeting”, “I need to agree with him about the meeting”…
There are people who habitually think just about everything in connection with education, in this case, it may be more difficult to separate the duty from the real desire, but it's real. Listen to yourself and do not rush to conclusions. Ask yourself the question – why you “need”? Due to the fact that it is important for you because other that be nice? Or because you just got used to this fellowship and afraid of losing him? you Feel a connection with this person, or do you just know?
what about the fading friendship?
Sometimes friends disagree. Friendships can end for a variety of reasons: changing worldviews, conflicts, certain events in life… we will Now focus on the case when nothing happens, and people just gradually grow apart from each other.
Modern man is more difficult to keep sincere contact with another person, especially if people don't live together. Friends usually live separately, with a few exceptions of living together, for example, in a hostel or rented accommodation. Even in such cases, cases, busy schedule, other relationships possible loss. In this regard, the question arises, how to maintain and organize communication with each other, while not turning it into another chore. If you want to keep contact with each other, you can try the following:
- Traditions bring people together. Think of a joint custom in strength and enjoy other. For example, you can meet every Friday at someone's home and eat your favorite food, watch movies, play Board games and so on. Important – don't beat yourself up or a friend, if at some times not be able to meet.
- In a continuation of the previous paragraph – be flexible, in the best sense of the word. If you and your friend's intense modes of work and a lot of recurring business, cultivate the ability to rearrange plans without offense, knowing the circumstances and feelings of others. This does not mean that you have to adapt at all, rather you can help some openness to changes in the schedule of your meetings.
- Remember main. If a person is really dear to you and close, in moments of misunderstandings and other difficulties in the relationship remember it. Keep in mind what is most important to you, and you will not be able to rely on the other for details.
- Speak about their experiences. If you feel that you and your friend grow apart, or you have any other feelings about your relationship (negative positive.) – let your friend know about it. Such conversations promote more honesty and intimacy between people.
- Less “filter”. Thanks to the instructions of parents and teachers we used to monitor your statements and actions, rarely succumbing to momentary impulses. Sometimes self-discipline can be useful – at work, in dealing with unfamiliar people and so on. However, in communication with friends the same level of control leads to superficial relationships. Maybe you never told anyone about that really like to collect the wrappers. Maybe only your family knows you well (or, conversely, bad) singing. Each – the man who will understand and support you, and in response to your openness and will likely open in response.
!
