😒What is the cause of our difficulties and conflicts with loved ones? As it turns out, that the people who are dear to us, become so distant. Why we sometimes are the hardest to communicate?
I hear different versions of how to save a relationship: 1👫. You need to talk to each other! To discuss the relationship. br>
🙅🏻♀2. The main thing is not to sort things out! br>
🧐Which of these versions is correct?
🗣We are people, we are given the opportunity to speak and to convey information about their feelings, thoughts, and feelings to another person. And here lies a clue: its on! About your thoughts. About their feelings. About their experiences! What are we doing instead?We are trying to push their imagination about those processes. Like we can know about what is going on in his heart and mind. br>
⛔You do not hear me!
✅I care about your opinion and your opinion. I wish you listened to me. br>
⛔You're disgusting! You sicken me!
✅I am very angry and upset. Your behavior in this situation upset me.
In the first case, we transfer to the partner's own perception of the situation and voiced it as dogma. Speaking, for example, "You're disgusting", we give unconditional negative evaluation of a person - that is, accuse him that he is not OK, that it is not all right. br>
In the second case, we are talking about their feelings in a given situation, not in General. There is a big difference in what to say, "I don't like you" or "I don't like your act."
♻In psychology this is called the concept of I-messages. That is, we are talking about their feelings! The difference is that the level of sincerity rises and we do not evaluate and do not hang labels man. We do not generalize that we don't like It, we're talking about specific situations and moments, while maintaining a respectful attitude.
🤔now imagine, as You say phrases from the first version and the second. In which case, You will be more located to dialogue and engagement? br>
🙌🏻With love and respect,
Your psychologist, Anastasia Korepanova
the Anastasiya Korepanova