the Coming New year. And along with it a carousel of activities where you can glue the collages, draw the balance wheel, to dream and to set goals. Wonderful, bright, colorful wave. Part of the celebration. Someone has planned will come true, someone will remain a new year's promise, blending smoothly into the Monday, and someone will have themselves to blame and the blame for that could not be collected.
the nature of the profession I am constantly teetering on the border of the worlds — inner and outer, mine and the world of the client. The boundary between the "here and now" and regret the "there and then" encourages me to thinking. What happens to people who repeatedly make plans and already exhausted from their unfeasible?
Wind feelings
I will Tell you a parable. I heard it as a kid. And just now fully feel its meaning. Sun, Wind and frost walked along the road. To meet them people. He bowed once and moves on. Arguing the Sun, Wind and frost — everyone wanted to bow was meant for him. Decided to find out.
Caught up with the man and asked: "Tell me, please, who are you bowed down?" "The wind," — he answers. Angry Sun: "what are you doing? I will incinerate you!" A man: "the Wind blows, and I won't be so hot." Frost is not far behind: "how dare you? I freeze you!" And the man to him: "the Wind is blowing will cease, and I will not be so cold."
the man in the parable knew the strength of the wind. No less powerful force lives in each of us. It's a feeling. Emotional States give a unique and different color everything we do. The wind feelings can be like a tail — pushing us to the goal and counter slowing and stopping.
Recent studies in the field of neuroscience prove the "elusiveness" of emotions. The brain is so robust a system is that the same reaction it can ensure the activation of several neural circuits. That is why we humans are so different happy and sad, fear and angry. Not a single episode of feeling can not be repeated. As it is expected that harp, with its vast number of strings each time will be equally resonate on an accidental touch.
Someone trained to recognize their status, to live them and to use the power of emotions for action. There are such people, though not often meet.
Someone more accustomed to rely on the mind and shut out your emotions to reliable armor. Well, of course, when fear, anger and sadness locked up. But the joy with curiosity too, while leaving. In company with others. Lost motivation and energy.
Another way to deal with feelings is to surrender to the will of impulses, without trying to understand them, to overshadow the mind. Then there is scope for the hassle, many chaotic, non-directional action, debilitating swings from elation to depression. Consistent, targeted traffic to the purpose against this background, it is difficult to attain.
Share approach that has proven in my practice and can be useful for self-help. Immediately warn you: this is not a magic pill. Rather helpful system of action, which can be turned into a habit for every day.
1. Recognize your state
the First thing to do is learn to recognize your condition. My heart raced, face flushed, what is it? I get the flu? I can get angry and will attack the offender with his fists? I fall in love and want to make the subject of my feelings in arms? Same physical condition may talk about different things. After some time Sonablate your ability to discern and relate them to context of the situation will certainly intensify.
practical tools can help scheme Kellerman-Plutchik. In it, the authors reflect a range of emotions and attitudes. It is useful to keep the scheme and from time to time to peep into the colorful circle, trying to understand their feelings.
Try it now:
2. To understand the meaning of their States
the Second step is to learn to understand what these conditions are. What can I do right now to state "I feel bad" decreased, and the condition "I feel good" lasted? I feel anxiety and fear. What risks are they horn? How do I take care of myself, to avoid trouble? I feel very sad. What loss is that? I say goodbye to whom to direct the appeal? I froze in anticipation — what new, unexplored territory for me?
For this to work it is useful to keep diaries. And every day choose a time to experience the meaning of their emotions. Just fine if you can talk about your feelings with an understanding friend.
3. To correlate emotions with reality
the Third step is to learn how to relate their emotions with reality and doing the reconciliation of internal and external realities. It is no secret that often the road to achievements cover feelings of powerlessness, failure, fear not to justify someone's expectations. A cure will in time question: "is it true?" It is important to explore the external reality.
— made a report at the meeting, I'm so ashamed! Now no one will ever take me seriously!
— is it true? Nobody is who by name? "Never" is how many days, months, years? And all these "no one" from the list will definitely be with you all these years that "never"?
And the inner reality is also to get a closer look. I can endure the shame associated with failure? Can I do something to continue to speak at other meetings, even if it at first it will be not so effectively as you want?
the Inner work allows us to move beyond restrictions, ask yourself a question: what I want to do in this situation? And then confused the report will be in the new context is not that large a hindrance to the global goals.
Every time I see people try to break through obstacles without considering the feelings, I invite them at least watch their emotions, see their diversity, beauty and strength.
And if you have something from last year's plans did not materialize, perhaps in the new year knowledge on how to handle the feelings, will add a fair wind in your sails.
First published: https://psy.systems/post/tri-shaga-k-dostizheniu-novogodnix-celej
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