Perhaps in the future I will write something similar about the roles of rescuer and persecutor, but let's start with the victim.
I Think that any of my client reading this will confirm that I never fixed in this position, exactly as not “scolded” for her and not try to pull out. For me, any human condition — his condition and all. Entitled to it.
And here's what I have learned from several years of self-therapy and follow-up work by psychologist.
1. If you think that person complains, it doesn't mean that it needs to be rescued or to pursue (key word — I think). This does not mean that he wants something to change in your life. It's not even mean he wants your advice. The best thing you can do — put him on the idea that what he now wants from you actually. Very often, complaints are hidden is unclear to the individual needs. Often it's just — to speak out and get support. If you are not interested — just refuse.
2. The rescuer and the persecutor often themselves “placed” person in the victim role, because it is not able just to listen, just to maintain and just take the emotions of another person, in particular — anger. When it is not able to a psychologist — it really is harmful, because it does not enable the client to take responsibility for their lives — on yourself. If the client wants to do nothing and do not consider it necessary, and just wants to talk — it's his right (which, of course, need to bring the level of consciousness of the client, but no more).
From one person to know what else to do, and what not? What his mission, the meaning, the purpose? Why would he at that stage where he is? Right — nowhere. It is not necessary to make yourself omniscient and omnipotent God, even if you — psychologist.
3. If you ‘adjust the top”, be aware that you can't bear the powerlessness and lack of control. You need something to do to a person. Why? A question to ponder. Especially worth it to ask yourself, if you come on other people's pages and start to chase or to save the author without his request.
4. The rescue and prosecution is essentially — sadism. If the victim provokes (and it provokes, of course), no bdsm will not work if you don't have one or if you have it in yourself to accept and sufficiently in control.
5. If you go back to the psychologist, then, alas, the client is the victim will always find a psychologist-the sadist. When the client can find the strength to live as he does and how he sees fit and when he refuses the society of the rescuers and pursuers — this is a very good sign.
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