About transactional analysis not heard just lazy. This term is the American psychiatrist Eric Berne outlined the process of interaction between participants of communication. At the core of this system is the position of the three components of “I” every person: I am a Parent, I – Adult and I – Child (Child). In life, we constantly switch between the three States, depending on the circumstances.
they are Formed during the contact of the child with the parents, when he receives from them behaviors and internalize the norms and rules.
ideally, all three I-state must be in equilibrium, to best manifest itself in various situations. In reality, one of the States manifests itself most often as the most stable.
As I “Parent”
it is characterized by critical, evaluative behavior in relation to others, a cautionary tone in the statements and comments. “Parent” gives advice, points and guides, but at the same time ready to help and protect.
As I “Adult”
you Can say that it is conditionally perfect condition. Characteristic: responsibility, judgment, self-criticism, honesty and empathy. “Adult” self-sufficient and independent.
As I “Child”
this state is characterized by: emotions, moods, uncritical to himself, boastfulness, arrogance.
In the film “Dangerous age" clearly demonstrates how stuck in one of the States leads to misunderstanding in communication.
the Heroine of Alice Freundlich – emotional Lily rodimtseva – almost the entire movie is not coming out of the state “Child”. I want to, I can't, I won't – a typical phrase used in this role. Her husband Narkis, on the contrary, considered and balanced, is in a state of “Adult”.
In episode 1 is a scene in court. Rodimtsev varies between States “Adult” and “Parent”, taking responsibility for cheating and thus satisfying the whims of a “Child” in wanting an immediate divorce.
Episode 2
characters:
Rodimtsev Narkis M. (ex-husband)
Lilia I. Rodimtsev (ex-wife)
Dmitry Rodimtsev (the current son of former spouses)
As I mentioned, in life, we constantly switch between Adult Child and Parent, depending on the circumstances.
Lilia Ivanovna mainly is in a state of “Baby”. Key indicators, markers of this condition are: abdication of responsibility (“turtle”), impulsive behavior, caused by the inability to control their desires, whims (maloobespechennye desire or whim), etc. “I don't want to live with him under one roof”, “I want, finally, peace,” the verb want/ do not want permeates almost all remarks of the heroine throughout the film.
In the present episode we see lightning-fast transition from “Child” in “Parent” and back. Starting the dialogue of “baby” state, Rodimtsev instantly takes a position of instructing, criticizing “Parent”, forcing the Narkis be justified.
Continuing to be in “parent” position, Liliya Ivanovna begins his conversation with his son. But after hearing unpleasant, or rather, for my Ego's words, once again sinking into a “Child”. Besides, Liliya Ivanovna has very good skills of the manipulator.
Therefore, at some stage, the communication between spouses there was gravitating misunderstanding, eventually influenced the decision to divorce. Narkis, could not, did not try or did not want to endure the Lily to the level of “Adult” while on his part the communication was more constructive. He allowed the wife (sometimes to its detriment) to take the position of “Baby”, to satisfy her whims with the position of the “Parent” and Vice versa – took on the role of a “Child”, allowing it to exist in “Parent”. But as “Adult” used little. And Lily, in turn, did not want to sochuvstvovaly in mutual “growing up”.
Episode 3
actors:
Rodimtsev Narkis M. (ex-husband)
Lilia I. Rodimtsev (ex-wife)
Ivan Khristoforovich (father)
Despite the head of the family Narkis M. periodically was in a state of “Parent” – communication with his wife who was seemingly appropriate as “Child” remained difficult. Why?
note father Lilia Ivanovna. It's imperious, resolute man, sea wolf, a seasoned salty sea winds, not prone to sentimentality. It is logical to assume that spending a major part of family life in the flight, he was home a rare visitor. Upon returning home to catch up communication with her daughter. Most likely, it is in these moments Lily has learned to manipulate. Wanting to get what you want, she held the position of the offended “Child”, which left one, accompanying his behavior by crying, tantrums, accusations. To carry on the buying emotions of the sea the soul could not, so my father chose the least expensive (from his point of view) path-the path to the satisfaction of the whims. If the whims weren't satisfied, then this pattern of behavior is unlikely to hold.
It is this: decisive, strong, and at the same time fulfilling the desire to be a real man, a Parent, according to the young Lily. The male Parent in the performance of Narkis – is completely different. Although history has no subjunctive mood, but if… on all charges and tantrums spouses, Narkis would go back down, allowing her to achieve the goal, then Lily would be it was fine. But Rodimtsev, as we see from the film, in such moments, took a reasonable position explaining “Adult” and tried to explain to my wife the obvious.
In the end, neither one nor the other are unable to exist in unusual roles, which led to divorce.
Alexandria Sadofeva, hypnotherapist
this article uses excerpts from the movie "Dangerous age", directed by A. Proshkin
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