Continue on about debts and all sorts of distortions.
We bring in the "I needs" from the cradle. We live in the system, and therefore must meet some requirements. So anyone who says "I don't owe anyone anything" is a bit disingenuous, of course, something should, just so frustrating to be "due".
You (I) have to go to kindergarten, because mom has to work.
You (I) have to go to school, because such laws.
You (I) should obey mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, educator, etc.
You (I) have to go to bed at 9 o'clock.
You (I) need to finish everything on the plate.
You (I) should be responsible.
You (I) have to clean my bed/the toys.
To then flow smoothly into adulthood with their "needs".
And then depends on how for adults succeeded or failed to kill your own child's will, his "I". So there was a place "I can", "I want", "have a right"? And was it all? How much violence was in that "must." Choke over the plate in fear of "not leaving the table" is violence.
If you want to raise a weak-willed creature – overlay the continuous "should" and iebi in all holes every minute, kill it all pour their regulations and requirements, obscenely his "want and can" not leave a stone on his personal desires and needs, his desire is stupid, and needs of the minor.
So about the case in a toxic, dysfunctional relationship. "You should" - they are the main controller. These "needs" is so categorical and strong as hefty nails, nailing to the cross that you carry then in life. Or like a rope that can pull. "You need me to take/ to bring/ to appreciate/ to respect/ to please/ etc" "I raised you, life you gave, you owe me!".
One "Should" and someone "everybody owes Me!" perfectly complement each other in their distortions: "all I need" + "everybody owes Me" = a "Harmonious" relationship. Therefore, they are attractive for each other.
If I don't do that "should be" I feel guilty that I'm doing a bad thing, and shame that I was so bad and the fear of being rejected. Or anger and rage, but I'm still not free from "I should". I'm tied to the one you have through these negative feelings. And wait, that will appreciate.
And this is a very strong connection. Not so easy to cope with guilt when I failed in my duty to the mother, it will eat, if that. With giblets.
As of the post is familiar to me from childhood. It feels like I don't belong like I don't have the right to do something else, like me, there is only one that needs... Just – as it should, this is normal. "Have the right" - it was only on the street where temporarily there those who I have: mothers and teachers. While there, I had fun: running across rooftops and construction sites with the kids, climbed trees and played hide and seek until you call home, a place where "I should". Anyone no where I was and what I was doing.
where to start, if you yourself know that?
to Deal in debt. Pull out, shake off the dust and to restructure.
(to be continued)
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