Experience has a special value, but this value is achieved is not always easy, especially when the experience associated with pain.
each person has such an experience, and it affects a certain area, and sometimes more than one.
most Often the pain experience is about interaction with other people.
“He hurt me!” or “He shot me!” says one who has experienced the pain of reversing their message to another person.
And it is very rare to hear the words: «I was hurt(a)”, “I'm sensitive” etc.
In the best case, people will say, “hurt Me!”.
So often the kids say, but on how they manage their feeling, largely depends on the reaction of the parents.
In such a situation, when the child experienced pain, it is important to help to realize, asking questions about how it hurts and where and to help you experience and integrate its pattern of disposition.
to Know pain is to understand its cause!
On a level with the response to the children's sacramental: “Why is grass green?” the child, it is important to answer the question “Why are you hurt?”.
Understanding the answer to the question “Why?” will help to listen to yourself to understand the feeling, talk about it.
Howcast called young children from 3 to 5 years.
Indeed, the question “why?” - the child's question, but it is not diminish its importance.
Adult rather ask “Why?” or “why?” and it is a completely different logic of the question (it occurs later).
Asking “why me?” person in the course of finding the answer makes sense. Questions “why?” and “Why?” constructive and demand analysis, and reflection. Question same “Why?” rather provides a statement of fact.
look at the questions on the example of the story about the Naked king.
In the tale of the Emperor's new clothes, the child just one and discovers the truth about what the king the goal, literally voicing this fact.
the Question is : “Why is the king naked?”
Answer: “the King is naked, because he thinks dressed”.
Or
“the King is naked, because he had been deceived!”
the Child's question “Why?” indeed baffled, but more importantly, he avoids the answer, got off with words such as “of cabbages and cobs!”.
the Questions “why?” and “Why?” called to account., demand explanations.
the problem child in the fact that he can't call the parent responsible, it is too small, which is used by many parents.
If we ask the question “what (why) the king is naked?” that will experience confusion, and to answer the question would require a rather long explanation, perhaps even with comments.
for Example, ‘the king is naked in order to impress, because he had been deceived, and he sure dressed!”.
Well, what adult will be himself in front of the child to expose? In this case, he (the adult), he literally exposed, i.e. recognize a Naked king.
each of us has a Naked king and our Inner child definitely knows about it!
But the Parent in us is very cleverly fools the Baby's head, hiding the obvious fact.
Children a little worried about logic, their knowledge, while they are small, is through the senses, and the latter is not cheating, because kids literally scanning the environment.
This experience, when “I feel, but does not believe it” remains with us for life, we don't trust your own feelings, because once we took away from them, redirecting the sphere of the mind, literally reformatting.
And with him, the mind can play games forever!
With the baby, you must not speak in the language of the mind, and the language of feelings, not tempting the consciousness, not hastening nature!
lie to the child, the same pain experience pain from contact with reality. And in this experience he should not be alone, he needs support. The child needs to get stronger, and this can be attained by stages, with gradual, but, alas, often painful experience falls on the little man with an avalanche.
understanding of the world child, the experience must be accompanied by an adult. But not every adult, which became the parent, the degree of maturity that allows you to be a support to the child.
the Child, faced with cheating once, continuing to face him and farther and farther away, the less he believes himself, not noticing how it grows…
what is the difficulty of this “baby”?
that he continues to trust themselves, their feelings, and the fact that it translates the environment.
If the child was Thrifty and decided to prolong the pleasure, leaving a reserve donated candy and his brother or sister ordered sweet otherwise, what awaits him if he will allow himself the pleasure of enjoying the taste of candy, which he kept in contrast to the brother or sisters?
a Familiar story? )
This child, if suddenly a witness to the fun will be (especially young) second child, accused of greed, but the argument is the explanation that the younger (brothers / sisters) to be shared, despite the…
the Paradox of such a person then might look as follows. They can be not greedy and are even more generous compared with the immediate environment, but he already has a sense of boundaries.
Every time he is not taking away from others, not pretending to a greater, attempts to distinguish “my” / “not mine”, accusing him of greed!
Another example, I think, familiar to many.
the Child grows, passing from one age period to another, and naturally he needs to say goodbye to the old toys and clothes, BUT a rushed parent makes the decision for him, advertising free gas his clothes and toys to other children.
So he gets another experience, another pain!
Its borders are violated!
And when he tries to Express emotions about the loss, he again gets a message that he's greedy.
In such cases, you can offer a game / ritual of farewell with the toys and after some time, he gladly gives them to other children.
But not to rush, not to take responsibility for themselves, deciding for the child, and to give him the opportunity to make the transition.
So many parents, facilitating parent their fate, the fear of experiencing a difficult for the parent's emotions, depriving the child the opportunity to learn responsibility, he selects a gift to give, do not give him to survive the separation from a favorite toy, dead animals, dooming him to be stuck in the past.
Such a person is difficult to let go of the past, of people to part with a past, to give without demanding in return, not from greed, but from the experience of pain.
it is formed inside the program “Give not a pity to give pain!”.
it Hurt, because not asked, not given time, not prepared and was accused of what is not!
the Gift becomes impossible or excessive, because the border is broken. And any attempt to defend them is accompanied by feelings of guilt and shame for “greed”!
it turns out that these feelings (shame and guilt) have no relationship to reality!
what is the mystery of the Naked king?
that he, though a king (read “adult”), he is naive as a child and for glory and flattery turns a blind eye to the reality that not just for the child with his senses, available and obvious!
This kid – “doedit" of the child to the knowledge of “reality”, which offers him the adult world.
what is the wisdom of a child?
that he perceives the physical world, such as it is, without illusions.
If it is cold, it only means that the ambient temperature dropped and nothing else!
the Experience of pain is not the only experience! There are other ways of knowing!
