This story is published with the permission of the client. All identifying facts changed or omitted altogether. To some extent it is a synthesis of several cases that taught me to look differently at the process of their work, to be attentive, honest with themselves and closer to others.
I have one client. Very successful and attractive. Cute, family, many good and helpful friends, is a successful starting a business, with whom we initially dealt with him. Contrary to the favorite topic of psychologists, he had a great relationship with the family, understanding with the parents and friendships with other family members. Some of my first impressions from working with him was admiration, bewilderment and surprise that he came to me, understanding that I can give this man...this MAN... my experience was with me long enough, despite the fact that he continued to come, sometimes bringing their own doubts, failures and disappointments, but mostly successes, joy and victory in the subtle sauce of disappointment or guilt. I sincerely believe that a person in such a cool situation, a psychologist is not needed and even tried to talk him into it at first, but later, much later, I realized how cool I was wrong.
And now, I share not the story of a successful and simple way, not that I - such a great and all-knowing - is easy to saw, how to help the person, and did something I didn't think to do any one a psychologist to me (and there were several), and likely a powerful failure. A very valuable failure that taught me a lot. He taught me to look deeper, to be closer and closer, as paradoxical as it may sound.
the Main query to work with me was the support to the development of his case, and a small problem with excess weight and large - with the emotional state. To me they looked small for him - a giant. The same applies to his actions in the way of business organization. From his position they looked like ruinous inaction, but not for me - trial and error of a novice. It's worth noting, I'm very aware that "inside", it always looks completely different than the "outside", and she often encounter such catastrophicaly when talking about my life.
We passed a lot together. During this time he managed to acquire a stable flow of customers and new useful contacts, to deal with the habit of "stress-eating" and bring your weight to the desired result, learn to appreciate the small daily pleasures and to pamper themselves, the emotional state has leveled off closer to its cherished goals. And only after a year and a half in our communication appeared first... wife. All this time I never even was surprised that neither his wife nor friends they not a word was said, but here, when his wife appeared, suddenly felt that it was not enough. And the wife, meanwhile, appeared under the sauce is the absolute inconsistency with the expectations and humility with what ever the relationship won't work out. The same expectations I met, accidentally learned about friends. Friends at it was not. As worthy of the attention of these themes for work he didn't, I didn't delve into them. Continued we in the mainstream are still hindered at times demands on yourself. I think it is very important how this work I saw, to me she looked grinding the work done. Needless to explain why further developments have shocked me.
this was the moment that I have waited all the time from the beginning of our work the client said that he is as able and willing to be that accepting yourself with all your advantages and disadvantages. In our communion with him it was exactly that - he was showing both victories and failures, focusing its efforts on further development or humility, not in their failures and shame or guilt for them. I was happy for him and with him and prepared to finish the job. But then at the next meeting to hear what was not taken into account from time to time. He brought another failure, I felt echoes of the old guilt and told that with pleasure would share it with your friends or wife, not a therapist that the biggest support for him now would be to listen to what they have a problem, too, to a look of reproach for what he cares nothing, and even the depreciation of ignoring. At this point, I realized that his main problem all this time was a wild sense of loneliness and that I built in destructive mechanism, helping to keep your feelings "in itself" and continue to shame yourself in front of "ordinary people", not psychotherapists "money".
this, of course, the story is not over. I'm quite impulsive and spontaneous, so I immediately shared my discovery with him, and received in response to the denial and even aggression. He said he does not want to be intimate with someone that it does not apply to the tasks of our work, and even accused me that I made a few mistakes, which to get close to me really can't and will not ever. At the time of the work, he left, and I really thought long and hard about their actions and tried to understand what was missed. I blamed myself. Before you understand the lesson of the situation and come to terms with it, and I carried out to Intervision and just thought about a few highlights of our work and if dozhevyvala them. Now I know that otherwise emerge just couldn't, but then my dazzling perfection badly shaken)
imagine my surprise when six months later he was back. Comprehended what is happening, he made a lot of valuable insights, apologized for the last meeting and enthusiastically returned to work with new tasks. Here is the third time I was shocked and realized that nothing is gained in advance :)
Love yourself, love friends and family and be yourself, no matter what happens!
I'm always ready to help to unravel - us ;)
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