Technique "Seven rules"
Objective: training partners for the constructive cooperation and practice positive behavior.
Time needed to implement technology: 20-30 minutes.
instruction. Specialist introduces and discusses with partners
"7 basic rules of harmonious relations":
1.Don't criticize, and suggest specific changes in the behavior of the partner.
2.Not thinking and not talking for your partner about his feelings and thoughts, speak only about your own.
3.Do not use the phrase "You always..." or "You never...", talking about kontratakuje(today, now).
4.Do not use the categories "right/wrong" and "bad/good", try to find a compromise solution.
5.Use the message "I feel..." messages instead of "You...", for example: instead of "You're selfish, you're ignoring me," try saying "I am very sorry (I feel hurt) when you don't notice."
6.Be Frank and honest: say what you think, and think about what you say.
7.Use positive exchanges (support and accept each other), leading them to their mutual satisfaction: "I'm okay — you're okay", "I matter — you matter" etc.
Next specialist:
*explains to the partners the essence of the "magic ratio 5:1" George. The Gottman: a stable relationship is possible when in the relationship the couples five times more dominated by positive feelings and interactions than negative. For example. If the partner looked at his partner negatively, then it is time to compensate for their negative view five smiles, jokes, compliments and tactile touch-strokes.
*introduces various styles of partner communications:
a)"changeable pairs", for which the communication is characterized by: *high level of positivity and negativity, *the strength and stability (address criticism kompensiruet compliments on verbal and non-verbal) *expressive communication (loud and open, with humor and love expression of feelings), *the value of his personality, his own space (physical and psychological), *the preservation of the aura of romance and passion (even when creating experience of care in the conflict), *egalitarianism and androgyny.
b)"proximity pair", for which the communication is characterized by: *low level positive and negative *finding, when discussing the conflict, the General and minimizing the importance of the open expression of differences, *the confidence that time will reconcile them, and that the problems tend to resolve themselves, and there is no need to discuss them.
C) the variable for which the communication is characterized by: *direct levels of positive and negative effects *easy and calm interaction *conflict occurs during the discussion of important issues * confirmation of the words of another in describing the problem (nodding, focusing on something etc.), *expression of empathy (at times partner know that he understands his vision of the conflict, even if you do not agree with it), *joint working to solve common problems *the emphasis on "we" than individual goals, *division of physical and psychological space, including their daily duties.
To improve the relationship, partners should: a) solve the problem in a calm state, not a negative emotion; b)to depart in addressing the challenges from protective styles, negative statements, claims etc; C) to show the wife its worth: speak, listen and show your partner understanding him, focusing on reacting to the emotional state of their partner (apologies, compliments, the recognition of his feelings and taking responsibility for what another person something bothers or upsets); g)ongoing training and regular work to improve the relationship, attempts to find new ways of communication and optimal interaction.
note. a very small amount of positive signals and attempts to manipulate each other using negative methods of interaction will lead to conflicts in the pair.
Result: change dysfunctional (relationships that do not bring emotional satisfaction) behavioral patterns (steady repetition of own behavior or thinking to achieve certain results) partners.
Value of engineering: to achieve progress in building a positive relationship, partners learn communication in conflict without recrimination in his appearance.
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