Jealousy
Jealousy – an emotional state which appears when there is a threat of loss of love object, real or possible. As every feeling, jealousy gives energy to solve, as it is a reaction to an event that requires action to save the relationship. Consider the causes, mechanisms of formation and ways of solving problems for a person jealous and the object of jealousy.
There are two options of jealousy.
First inherent in one way or another any person, adult and child, and even Pets.
the Feeling of jealousy occurs when there is a threat of losing the object. The degree of stability of the mind depends on personal maturity. For baby 2 – 3 years, manifestations of sympathy mother, to father, to another child, just lost her out of sight, sufficient reason for jealousy. The easiest way to improve their condition, as jealousy is an unpleasant feeling, to be constantly there to keep the situation under control, fending off other contenders for love. So do Pets. With early socialization, as at this stage of personal development of the child sent to kindergarten, this way of action if you experience feelings of jealousy remains the only true. The child enshrines the idea that when mom's around I feel good when we separated I feel bad. Love only when you're close, if not there, then you don't love.
With the right education, parents formulate the appropriate response to feelings of jealousy. Learn to show love in deeds, not control, train the skill to cooperate, not just to be there. The child establishes a mental image of a loved one, and he is calm when he just knows that he is loved, he does not need continuous proof and control.
Thus, the first option being jealous is natural and normal, as the ripening of the personality is formed when you experience feelings of jealousy, to show more love to the loved one in the form of real caring, not Intrusive calls and forming with it more options for cooperation.
Now consider the second variant of jealousy.
Jealousy of the second type is based on the belief in the betrayal of a loved one. People are not afraid to lose a loved one, as in the first case, and is confident in betrayal. The setting is absolutely devastating: “I love and can't live without him, and he definitely betrays me as am always ready to change”. No evidence do not give sedation, so people definitely believe in lust, not love. To believe in a treason he did not need proof and faith in love are never enough. The distortion of moral perception makes life with a man hell. That is quite natural. After all, God is love, and people do not believe in love, believe in lust.
this kind of jealousy arises in people who are in early childhood, up to three years suffered the real loss of the object, which take care of them, and they had attached to him. Often had a long separation from the mother, or it could be grandma, a nanny, more than a mother dealing with a baby, which at some period have been sent home if it helped, got fired or just replaced. For the child basic trust is crumbling, people just left him, disappeared, left. In adulthood, the man initially knows and believes that it will throw. Faith and reason are different things, facts and logic don't work, he knows he's been dumped, he does not remember about it, but knows how to love someone, he will leave.
In human relations, objectively, there are problems in the trust associated with the real actions. At the stage of formation of relations possible elements of jealousy, until you have chosen each other, or after the objective facts of infidelity. But man, quickly moves on to a higher level of love after overcoming a stressful situation or forgive them for the mistake or fire and gives freedom.
Jealousy is a normal element of emotional feelings when the fact of infidelity as regressing to a time of suffering. As a neurotic reaction to the fact of change, uncontrolled jealousy can overwhelm the person for approximately three months at the time of the emergence of a new, real evidence of infidelity.
Now about ways on how to cope with jealousy in ourselves first.
to Develop components of Mature love: care and cooperation with mutual pleasure. You adult man, consciously begin to be interested in the wants and needs of a loved one and work together to achieve the result.
Ban myself control and restriction, and allow interactions with pleasure. Showing care is to help in everyday life, to assume some responsibilities for children's development, to encourage personal development. Cooperation involves the formation of family traditions with a common pastime with the same interests, couples, children, relatives, friends. Gradually the jealousy she falls off and is replaced by love and trust.
the last option with accusations of treason. Faith in lust is a loss of faith in people, in good, in God. Without help, need a man who will bring you from your personal hell without love, you can go two ways, through psychology or through religion. It is important to realize that you have lost faith. Logic doesn't work. Reason and faith are not one and the same. Mind need facts, faith morally ethical basis underlying the trust. The man believes in evil, not good without facts. You know you need to save the soul.
Now for the objects of jealousy.
If a man (most often) or female controls and limits you, then you are faced with a first embodiment of jealousy. Help him to move to a new level of love. Remain the line of development and form a common. Even the first version of jealousy, can make life unbearable. Constant monitoring, restrictions, lack of personal space. If you start to listen, or subordinate lover, he suppresses himself to a certain limit and then released, or rupture of relations, or alcohol, or learning to skillfully deceive that poisons love. Without trust, it is not viable. Maintain your integrity, from the first days match cooperation, avoiding enforced restrictions and controls. Mutual love will allow you to take things to the next level.
If you have experienced in yourself or the partner of the second embodiment of jealousy, when faith in the unconditional betrayal. Urgently need external assistance. The condition is dangerous to life. Destructive thoughts and images cause aggressive attempts to stop everything until the extreme options of physical violence. Urgently ask for help.
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