Modern is says: forgive your enemies from the past and you will find happiness.
is it So? Let's see that from a psychological point of view means forgiveness and whether to focus on her, if the goal is to live life with full Breasts and enjoy each passing day.
To us it was easier to discuss this issue, let's look at three situations with the offense.
Situation 1. Woman, 25 years old, in my youth were subjected to emotional and sexual violence. Resentment of the parents (for not protected that they were not good parents)
Situation 2. Young man, 21 years, has a complex relationship with girls. Resentment for the mother who controls his life.
3. the Situation Woman, 42 years old, divorced, single mother of two school-age children. Resentment against my first husband who left her after the birth of her second child and never appeared in her life.
What happens in the first case, if the woman will cease to be offended by parents? We don't know details, but any violence is a crime. The fact that the parents didn't know about it, did not notice this themselves or is organized, speaks to their immature position, failure to perform parental duties, which include care and protection to the formation. Forgiving the offenders, she will have to internally agree that the fact that it is the norm.. and the aggression and resentment - the current backbone of its present-day boundaries. Another issue, which is exactly parallel to the mountain that she had loving and accepting parents. And then it is in the direction of stay aggression-bargaining-of depressii and revising its view of history, reserving the right to be offended in order to save themselves.
Let's look at the second situation and resentment there. The way it looks on you? What do you think will happen if the boy will forgive you and will no longer be offended? We see the controlling mother and see what offence the young person occurs as a consequence of its control. Like it's the only form of his response to her control, as if to say “stop”, “no”, “the borders of my life here” is not possible and then there is aggression to transform the offense… and take offense to the boundary even more blurred. In this case, the offense needs to transform from passive aggression to active and rebuild the boundary to each of the participants was comfortable, as possible.
In a situation with a woman with two children resentment acts as a leitmotif in her current life, every day, watching the children, she remembers their father and repeatedly scrolls memorized emotions inside. Resentment eats away its vital energy. What happens if it is clean internally and agree with the fact that her ex-husband does not change? Perhaps resentment from the husband can be transformed into resentment against himself (as I so unlucky that he chose). Perhaps freed up energy that could be spent on the past and the present and future. Probably work on offense will allow us to re-examine the life of a woman and see that in different periods of his life we take different decisions, but in all cases we can always count on yourself and change your life in the direction that we like. In her case also there is a topic working with grief, as any parting is a small death, the loss of the love, the loss of a partner, lifestyle change. And it's also important to live a shock, aggression, bargaining, depression and then acceptance of the situation with a new point.
My article does not contain a clear answer to the question of whether to forgive.
Her goal is to convey that the calls trainings “Sorry!” can be dangerous if the offense is the only protection from something more important.
If the situation touches not let go, then the correct solution would be not to forgive, but to consult a specialist to sort out your emotional history, to understand its mechanism and only then decide what to do with forgiveness.
