There are spiritual teachings that say that we are all one, we are one, that I'm you and you're me. And I'm very withdrawn. Perhaps this is the next step in development. Ever.
in the meantime, the main task is to learn to see your boundaries and other people's boundaries, learning to divide the border.
That refers to the area of my influence, and what not.
Where the rest of the territory and allow the other to influence my decisions, and where not, where only my decisions and my territory.
Where is my responsibility and where I have no impact on what is happening. And you just need to relax and let things be.
you Need to get out of the infant state, to stop looking for mommy in other people, wanting to merge with her, and notice that the other person – the other.
What the other person exists. In this world there's someone else besides me.
That there are limits. I have, as individuals there are limits. And the other person as individuals, also have boundaries. And his desires are different from mine.
I Have my own desires. And another person also have their desires.
it would Seem that the obvious. And yet, at the level of feelings they often do not.
We all know head. And feelings say otherwise.
And now we required another person love, as if it were our mother and he owes it to us to give. Offended, offended with all my heart, when this happens.
And we hurt. But we were confident that if I want to love another man, it with no less passion and power wants to give me. But most often it turns out that he also wants to love.
Or we come to another person, and put it all their feelings and undigested feelings. As if he, as a mom, have to digest them for us and to feed us like a mother feeds milk to the baby.
We demand guarantees of the presence of another person nearby, as if we really still the same baby, and without it, as without a mother will not survive and perish in the same moment.
And experience the thrill of separation from loved ones such as if we were torn away from the mother's breast.
What to do?
be Aware of their separateness. What we have adults.
We'll live, even if we're not in the belly of the mother. We have our own respiratory system, we can breathe ourselves. We can eat and move independently. We have a place to live.
we as adults that they themselves can achieve all of this – food and a roof over my head.
And most importantly – our nervous system is much more stable than the nervous system of the baby.
We can accommodate your feelings and be in touch with ourselves. Feelings own us and do not capture us as much as it was in childhood. When we ourselves become that feeling and completely merged with him.
And we can take care of myself.
We can breathe.
We can be kind to yourself. We can accept ourselves for what we are. We can speak to yourself words of encouragement. All that so I wanted to get from my mom.
We can't require it from others, and themselves to give it to myself.
And when we cease to demand that other people miraculously there is a desire to give it. And we can accept. But not from want and hunger of love and gratitude.
that they too, can give it all to other people.
And still the first – to cease to demand from others and give support and care to ourselves.
we're fine. We adults. We will succeed.
the Elena Shilova
