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Imagine any partner dance. It is great if both partners stay on its axis, one does not "leans" on the other, each performs his pieces. Partners give each other signals and respond to them. If one suddenly stumbles, the other will hold out on their feet. It is a model of a healthy relationship.

the dance-model dependent relationships, one partner or "hanging" on the other, or unable to move, while the second will not push. If one stops to dance, the second will fall. Even more striking illustration of the dependent relationships - both partners are connected by a rope and can only move at a certain, uncomfortable both for the trajectory.



In any relationship, we depend on partner. But in a healthy option that doesn't take away our "dance", that is, not makes the relationship miserable.

a Dependent relationship is when it seems that without the other we can't. We believe that only with a partner we rejoice or feel happy, especially in advanced cases - is not able to live without him. That is why, by the way, from the dependent relationships so hard to get out.

Or the opposite variant - it seems to us that the partner can't do it without us. What if we leave, his world will collapse. And so we're going to stay in the relationship in the role of rescuer. This, of course, about a situation where the rescuer can not be saved.

this is because in a dependent relationship confused who is responsible for what and where is whose territory. The boundaries are completely blurred, as if a pair - not two individuals, but a symbiosis.

the more responsibility we "hang" on the partner, the worse we are without him to stay. This often leads to the fact that we did not take into account their needs, be obsequious with, "turned inside out" for his sake, if only not to lose. Which, incidentally, often contribute to the emergence of relations of passive aggression. After all, sacrificing their own interests, we suppress this natural anger. But she can not disappear, and "say Hello" double messages and poignant observations partner. For example, he offers a help, and we proudly refuse, but make pained face, that he had not insisted. Or admire some stranger, especially highlighting the quality, which is not enough to our partner to become uncomfortable.

Another option of wagering servility - blame the partner for something that he is completely irrelevant. The quirks want to call relatives out of place, not so risen sun. Moreover, it is not always a conscious process. And then the relationship based on podnikanie one balanced toxic the fault of another.

Variants of the dependent relationship is a lot like and a lot of ugly dances where partners are not able to stand on their feet. As a rule, in such relationships both partners tend to emotional dependencies, it is due to this pair and holding on.



Dependent relationships can "fix" and make healthy if both partners want it and are learning the language of dance, to stay on its own axis. If private autonomy and healthy responsibility begins to develop only one of the pair, the relationship ends. 

And if you need help, seek a psychologist who shares your values and will help you to rewrite history.

sincerely, Usaca Olga



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